Here we are months into therapy and week after week my therapist hits me with the truth that I need to hear. "Let's focus on his needs this week."
I have had fear of abandonment and attachment patterns for as long as I can remember. My therapist and I have been working together on how to heal parts of my life and work on being an overall better person. It has been working. I have had less anxiety and more faith in myself as a whole individual. All this comes with a lot of work on yourself and sometimes that means being a little selfish and putting yourself first. I do not mean selfish in a bad way. I mean it in a way where you need to focus on yourself a little more to get yourself to the place you want to be.
Working on yourself is difficult. It is especially difficult when you have important people in your life that you want to save energy and attention for. For me, this includes family, friends, and my boyfriend. My family lives in a far drive from me, so that makes things a little easier. We talk weekly and so it's no harm if we don't talk for a couple of days. My friends have their healing journeys they're going on so again if we don't talk for a week or two we understand each other. My significant other is someone I generally talk to every day and see multiple times a week. He met me at the beginning of my healing journey and has seen it all through with me.
This week my therapist reminded me that my partner also has things going on in his life and to remember to be there for him as well. So to bring me back to equilibrium and balance my healing journey with someone I always want in my life I decided this week I would focus on him. No, it did not mean I went past my boundaries or take less care of myself.
It did mean that I made sure I was being a good partner to him as well and when situations arise I would take a moment so I could respond like the healing person I am now. Put my words and my progress into action.
I loved this homework because it reminded me that all the work I have been putting in on showing up for myself comes with a beautiful addition of that it allows me to show up to others in a true way. The more I put into bettering myself the more I can be a better person for the loved ones in my life.