Wow. After a night/morning of self-criticism and feeling abandoned by the actions of another person, I told myself I couldn’t keep feeling this way. So I got myself out of bed, jumped in the shower, and put on my cutest but most comfortable outfit. Took myself on a solo date for brunch since I was too in my feelings to get out of bed and make myself breakfast. Upon sitting at a crowded but excellent restaurant, I picked up a book that had been sitting on my shelf for a couple months. Sitting alone with my thoughts, a good meal, and a thought-provoking book reminded me of what I need to come back to when my emotions are high. Myself. Come back to yourself.
When my emotions are on a rollercoaster, I need to remind myself that I got me. I need to take a step back in that moment and figure out what’s really bothering me. Is it really that person? Is it really the feeling of disappointment? Sometimes it is. But 90% of the time, and I’ll speak for myself, it isn’t. I am thankful to be in this stage of healing that I can recognize when I need alone time quicker. I am so proud of myself for not letting myself sit in dark thoughts all day. I am so proud of myself for going out of my comfort zone and sitting in a restaurant on my own. I am so proud of myself for giving myself the time and space to reflect. I am proud of myself for the next step as I write this. Giving myself grace. I 100% feel I am at the stage where I just need to be. No expectations of myself or others. Just let me be and learn more about myself. Take care of myself. This is not so I can get validation from others. It’s time for me to know to validate my own feelings. Stand on my own. It’s my life. I need to keep my power. I am so excited for what I think is the next stage: being in a relationship and an apartment on my own. But I’m not rushing it. It will come. Right now, it’s about coming back to myself.